Ammonium nitrate
by Dynamite3539
Summary: Gokudera's lost his dynamite but there's always ways round that... Crack/humour


(This is my first ever attempt at a fanfic. I don't suppose I could be considered as too much of a fan as I mostly read other people's fanfics, but I had my friend proofread this and she said it was somewhat fitting. Feel free to criticise. Everyone's got to start somewhere :P)

"I've lost my dynamite."

"_Whaaaaat?!" _Tsuna shot up seemingly from nowhere with eyes wide with annoyingly innocent shock.

"My God," Gokudera snapped. "Man can't event talk to himself in peace round here."

"Th- the dynamite…"

"I woke up this morning and it was gone."

"And you only noticed now. Ahehehe."

He could've recognised that voice anywhere.

"I have noticed my powers of perception losing some of their usual keen edge," he replied coolly. "On reflection, I was able to climb the stairs with marginally less difficulty this morning, but I attributed that to Tsuna making me give up smoking."

"Wow, you seem like a different person."

"Shut up." Gokudera lit a cigarette.

A freight train came rumbling down the track near where they were standing.

"Oh cool! A train!" yelled Yamamoto. "Let's count how many TOLL containers there are."

Gokudera rolled his eyes. He was yet to decide whether Yamamoto wanted to violently take over this company or was just happy because he had made some money from the shares…

Tsuna said, "He doesn't want to violently take over the company."

Gokudera restrained his eyebrows from making any violent movements towards the north.

Suddenly, shots rang out from somewhere in the distance and one of the freight train containers, now riddled with holes, exploded, derailing the rest of the carriages behind it.

"Holy shit," said Gokudera. "That was epic."

"My God! Someone could be hurt!" screeched Tsuna, who grabbed hold of the baseball idiot's arm and started dragging him towards the wreckage, little legs pounding away.

Gokudera ambled slowly behind them, smelling the acrid stench of burning Diesel.

"Phhhhhfff."

He lit another cigarette to try and neutralise the smell.

He looked up and saw a few shadowy figures trying to creep stealthily through the trees on the other side of the track. Gokudera decided to risk his head and his reputation and warn his friends.

"Watch out Tenth!" he shrieked.

He could just about make out their shapes. Well, there was Bel, the guy with no eyes. Gokudera was still convinced he had no eyes. He'd read an article in the _Reader's Digest _the other day about human echolocation which just served to reaffirm his theory.

At least Bel couldn't see where he was then, Bel would have to take out a couple of cymbals and ram them together to get a signal as far as him.

He still decided not to take any chances, ducking down behind one of the containers.

Tsuna had heard Gokudera's shout of warning. Well, who hadn't? Tsuna was now in grave fear for all their lives, and made a mental note to hide Gokudera's dynamite when they got home as punishment.

…Wait…

Tsuna was still trying to figure out what was wrong with his mental note when Yamamoto held up a torn bag of fertiliser.

"Know what this is?"

Tsuna looked at the name of the chemical and shrugged helplessly. He could've sworn, from what he'd heard in class, that was a sort of bleach…

"It says 'ammonium nitrate'."

The next thing Yamamoto knew, he was lying on his back with a few twigs scattered over his face.

"What the…"

Gokudera was sitting on his other side, having leapt over Tsuna and Yamamoto with an uncharacteristic display of agility.

"We're saved," Gokudera hissed.

"With… with bleach?" Tsuna screwed his eyes up in confusion.

Gokudera held up two bags of AN in clenched fists, rather like a hunter would hold up a couple of ducks after a hard day's work.

Gokudera asked the baseball idiot to get him some Diesel.

Yamamoto complied. After all, the chain smoker had kind of saved their lives. In the process of condemning them to certain death.

When Yamamoto returned and Gokudera looked up from making his fuse, Tsuna had gone.

"Oh my God, Tsuna is gone."

Gokudera ignored the baseball idiot.

"Give me the Diesel."

"Tsuna is gone!"

"Fine. Go and look for him without any weapons."

Yamamoto shut up.

Gokudera had finished about five bombs when they heard an evil cackling emanating from the other side of the train wreck.

"That's Bel," Gokudera rolled his eyes. "Bet he uses that cackling for his echolocation."

"What? Say again?" Yamamoto looked at bomb boy like he was a raving lunatic. Hands covered in Diesel, maniacal expression on his face and smelling like ammonia, he did seem a bit like a raving lunatic.

Gokudera handed Yamamoto some anfo bombs.

"Take my spare lighter," he said. "These are ten second fuses."

Yamamoto was desperately looking around him for something he could fashion into a sword…

Bel's face loomed in front of Yamamoto.

"Aaaaaaaaaaargh!" he screamed, gripping tightly onto his anfo.

Gokudera had slipped out of sight.

"Light the fuse," he hissed.

"What?!" Yamamoto tried to whack Bel in the face with his bomb. Didn't work.

"Light the bloody fuse."

Bel was pulling out his knives.

Yamamoto lit the fuse, dropping down on the ground.

"Get away from it, you stupid baseball idiot!" Gokudera was losing his temper. Maybe he should've used the anfo to blast Yamamoto a sharp piece of metal from the train containers.

Yamamoto had rolled away about three metres when the bomb exploded, knocking Bel off his feet.

"You okay?"

Gokudera rushed out from his hiding place.

Bel was passed out, but he might well have been faking it. Gokudera detonated another bomb close to his chest just to make sure, before stabbing his fingers into Bel's solar plexus. No response.

Xanxus appeared from around the other side of the wreck, grinning inanely.

He and Squalo were clutching nuclear warheads.

"We sneaked these onto the train," he said. "Now we are going to kill you all and the rest of this blasted city."

"Where is the Tenth?" Gokudera said coldy.

"Who? Oh, that little wimp."

"He's not a wimp, you bastard."

Yamamoto was struggling weakly onto his elbows, winded by the blast.

"He's safe. As long as you guys don't try anything while we make off with these weapons."

Gokudera thought, why's he telling us everything? Surely he can't be serious about letting us go if we shut up…

"Yeah right. I really believe you."

Gokudera lit a bomb and threw this at Xanxus's ugly, scarred face.

Xanxus dodged out of the way and Squalo grabbed Gokudera's neck.

"Oh shit."

He was being strangled.

Xanxus disappeared with the nuclear weapons as Gokudera tried desperately to remove those talons from his face.

"Baseball idiot," he croaked. "Yam-"

"Shut up, you little twat," said Squalo, drawing his sword.

Gokudera tried to find his bombs. Where were those suckers?! He stumbled backwards and unwittingly caused Squalo to stumble over his own sword. The strangling hold returned, but at least Gokudera was now out of danger of being gutted.

Yamamoto was trying to get to his feet, but something hurt very badly. Where were _his_ bombs? Not like he ever wanted to use another one, but it was still comforting having them there.

Comforting?! What the hell, was he going insane?! Those things were the reason why he could no longer feel his legs. Oh, well.

"Come on Gokudera!" he said with his remaining scraps of energy. "Believe in yourself! We all believe in you!"

Gokudera thought, that is so cute… screw those saps and the Diesel fumes, he was being converted. In a sudden display of disgust at his weakness, Gokudera reached behind him and snapped Squalo's wrist.

The long-haired man screeched in pain and dropped Gokudera's neck.

Yamamoto fainted.

Tsuna came barrelling round the side of the derailed train containers. Gokudera rubbed his eyes wearily. What the… Tsuna was on fire.

"Get away from the Diesel!" he yelled.

Tsuna, wide-eyed, heard him and dived in the other direction. Into the ammonium nitrate.

As Tsuna smouldered, Gokudera looked upon him with a blank expression. "You must be thankful that on its own, ammonium nitrate doesn't act as an explosive."

Yamamoto opened an eye. "Oh my GOD! I get it now! The _Diesel_!"

Gokudera was almost amused.

"But, seriously. We need to catch Xanxus and get those warheads back before World War Three breaks out."

"Great idea!" Tsuna said, his voice dripping with what he wanted to be sarcasm but just sounded cute.

"We'll just jog up behind him and ask him to hand it over. Everyone goes home and has dinner while watching the BBC news."

"I've got a better idea," Gokudera said, raising an eyebrow. "Although I have to say the BBC news does sound pretty enticing."

Xanxus had his friends on a cart, Squalo cursing about his wrist and Bel smouldering slightly still. Xanxus was pulling the cart while Squalo held onto the warheads.

"Careful with those things," Xanxus snapped.

"Yes, boss."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Well, Bel's not going to be moving anytime soon. Why shouldn't I weigh the things down with his legs?"

"You bloody idiot. Hold onto them."

"My wrist hurts."

"Shut up."

Squalo grumbled and turned around to face backwards again.

"Hi," said Yamamoto, grinning cheerfully before a large quantity of anfo blew up in Squalo's face.

Yamamoto, having hopped off the cart, waved as Squalo clutched at his face and let go of the warheads, which rolled off the side of the cart.

The commotion had attracted Xanxus's attention. He looked back to find two bleeding men and no nuclear weapons.

"You… you…"

"Me… me…" Squalo snapped back.

"WHERE ARE MY WEAPONS?!" Xanxus roared.

They surveyed their surroundings. Blackberry bushes lined the path they were taking, flowers bobbing daintily in the breeze.

Xanxus was anything but dainty as he crashed through the trees, tearing weeds out in frustration.

"Come back, you morons!"

Gokudera and Tsuna grabbed the warheads and took them into their large hole, which they'd made with the help of the anfo. Blackberry bushes were dragged over the surface of the hole to mask its presence.

"Now we just wait for Yamamoto to return," Tsuna said happily.

At this precise moment, Xanxus fell into the hole.

"Mother of God," he yelled. (Xanxus, not Tsuna)

One of the warheads cracked open.

"Uh oh," said Tsuna.

Gokudera glared and cursed himself for not choosing a better location for the blasting. He grabbed Tsuna's arm and hauled him out of the hole.

"Run."

They ran. They crashed into Yamamoto.

"BASEBALL IDIOT!"

Yamamoto felt a death grip on both his arms and he was dragged through the undergrowth for a bit before he passed out.

A giant explosion rang through the woods.

"Oops," said Squalo.

Xanxus crawled out from the undergrowth cursing Squalo's stupidity.

"Now they're both gone, you prick."

"Sorry, boss."

"Don't you sorry me, we have to go catch those children."

"Nooooooooooooo-"

"You wuss, scared of children."

"I'm not scared of children. I'm scared of ammonium nitrate."

"Ammonium nitrate's not even an explosive on its own!" Xanxus screamed at him.

It would almost be amusing, except Xanxus had his hands in a death grip around Squalo's neck.

By now, the 'children' were several miles away, having located what appeared to be a hunters' path through the woods. They followed it diligently, as the light was beginning to fade (or, perhaps, the canopy was just getting thicker – none of the three could achieve a sufficient range of motion with regards to their necks to get a good view.)

"Glad that's behind us," said Yamamoto.

"Glad we're all okay," said Tsuna.

"Group hug!" the baseball idiot suggested.

Gokudera rolled his eyes.

"Come on," Tsuna said, making annoying puppy dog eyes.

"Whatever," he grumbled. "I'm pretty much seeing unicorns anyway I've lost so much blood…"

They had a group huddle.

"Gokudera!" snapped Tsuna, with as much authority as he could muster.

"You have to stop smoking."


End file.
